The year is passed the halfway mark, which I find hard to believe. I have not made the creative progress I had hoped to make in the first 6 months, which bugs me even though I know it is just how things have unfolded. I have directed my energies elsewhere as needed, life requires that from us sometimes. Some days I have a jaunty spring in my stride, and on others it is a plodding pace. There is much to do, and too much being put off that keeps being put on the “someday” list where I fear they will languish. I guess as long as I try to get to the list that is what counts, one item at a time as I can.
Walking early one morning I stopped to get this image of my childhood neighbor’s farm pond. The farm animals are long gone, part of the fields sold off to hold a house, the barn still stands as does the house. Both basically empty, just one human occupant and various mice and barn cats uses the spaces. The house is much fancier than one might expect, it is almost Italianate in style. I am unsure if the original house was more of a colonial style or if this is the original house. Each time I am in NY I say I am going to stop by and see if I can walk through the barn, but I never make the time or no one is at home. Both the house and barn I would like to photograph with the light pouring in. Maybe next time, maybe next time.
First of all let me say, this isn’t my house. But sometimes I feel as if my house looks like this. We have been in a state of varying turmoil it seems like forever, but isn’t really. We have sorted, sold, donated, disposed and packed. We have painted, paid someone to paint high places, seal coated the driveway, had wood floors put in, a tile back splash, seal, and general repairs that aren’t in my skill set. Yet it still feels as if the list continues to stay the same length or grow. All in preparation to putting the house on the market and get a place that will be easier for me to maintain. It is a daunting proposition as anyone who has moved after being in one place a long time knows. It is also a real time eater, I have time, or energy, to do anything creative or website related. If I have free time I feel as if I should be doing something house DIY related, or just want to sit still and do nothing for a bit. Though I would really like to get out with my camera or pull out art supplies, I guess this too shall pass, I just need to be patient.
For some time now I have awaited the right moment to dive into this new project. The moment arrived just days ago, spurred in part by a feeling of never getting to create and a feeling of make it happen. It felt good to get back to my work table and pull out supplies, to cut the phrases I had marked from Never Coming Back, and to sort through the box of flea market photos I got many years ago. I do not understand my compulsion to do an series of Alzheimer’s based pieces, but as soon as I read Alison’s book I knew I had to. Time is precious to me, I struggle to make a spot in my schedule to pursue what calls me. Yet not to, to let everything else take over is not the best use of my time after all.
I sometimes find myself taking a narrow view, focusing on the task at hand with an earnestness to keep me on track. Painting is my current narrow view, wall painting not creative painting. So there has been wallpaper stripping, spackling and sanding, plus all the taping and cleanup that bookend such projects. Meanwhile my worktable continues to gather dust, as does my camera. I am hyperfocused on getting these DIY projects done so that they are off my list and will help us in a couple years when we plan to sell. There are so many projects I simply cannot do (ie- pave the driveway), that any I can do give me a sense of moving forward. Yet in spite of the feeling of accomplishment I am missing the creative time to work on projects and explore new ideas. It is a toss up, as most things in life tend to be.
I have been doing well with my self imposed 200 images per month goal. I struggled the first few months of the year with weather and commitments that fell to me to handle. If I don’t get out and use my camera regularly, I find that my “eye” loses some of the skill I rely on. Once upon a time I would get 750 images a month, out several days a week, but now is now and 200 is what I can reach. Change is hard, it forces you to make best use of what is available in the moment.