Remain calm

Buddha

It has been a busy week of showings, turning lights on and off, swapping in the “good towels” and keeping things looking spic and span. Wednesday evening’s showing was the one that made me the most anxious, maybe because of the full moon, or maybe because I had to delegate the prep because I was at work. It all went fine in spite of my emotions, as things usually do. What is a bother is not being able to have what I need at my elbow because it is packed away or in the car. But I get it, that is part of the whole process of selling and moving on, things can’t change if they remain the same. Though it is good to know we don’t have the pressure of a job starting somewhere else or a house already bought added to the mix. It is a new experience for me to be in this odd in between, and yet not yet, space. And it requires me to find a new source of calmness.

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As I go

Sorting, packing and jettisoning years of stuff has been both energizing and exhausting. I have found items that I have no idea where they came from, possibly they slunk in unbeknownst to me and decided to stay. I have found things I had forgotten about that I do wish to keep, letters and such. And I have sent many things on their way to new homes, with only the absolute junk off to the dump. I am also getting tire of the whole process and the diy that has gone with it.

What to do

I have my list of tasks at hand-

Paint touch ups

Sort, pack, toss

Put in new sink

Wash this, fix that

The list goes on, and all those who have moved know the burnout that a moving prep list can bring. The ennui that tackling another task brings on. The energy spikes that can occur unexpectedly to help power you through. And all this before the house is listed or the new place found! No wonder my mom hasn’t moved in over 60 years.

Endings

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October is over, November has begun. The clocks will be set back this weekend bringing in closer, darker nights. Fireplace weather, woodstove days, bonfire nights- all to keep the dark and cold at bay. I am leaning into this season, likely our last in this house, to not only enjoy the days, but also to winnow what I want to carry forth from here. It is a time to travel light and leave behind that which no longer is needed.

Homing

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I am often out looking at architecture, old and new. If I can pull over or walk back safely to it I will do so to get the image even if I never use it. Just a historical record of sorts. Joe and I are preparing to pare down to a place with a much shorter driveway and smaller yard. To that end, I have been working on winnowing items for several years, and we now have started bigger tasks that we can breakdown into smaller ones. Mainly cutting back all the overgrowth that occurred since we did it last back in early 2015. Amazing how quickly it filled back in! The list seems endless, and many tasks are simply not DIY and will be on the slow to get done list for now. It is both exciting and a bit scary to start down this road after 25 years at the same address, but the house needs a young family in it. The girls will be finishing college soon and off on their own full time. the dorm days are nearly over, school breaks and childhood bedrooms will be a thing of the past. It is nearly time to leave this harbor and sail forth.

Melancholy-ing

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It took me almost 2 years, but today was the day that the boxes got packed. In hindsight I should have dealt with the items back in the fall of 2015, or any of the following months. But hope kept me from tackling the task. Now, after nearly 30 years of “Protecting and Serving” I have capitulated and packed up all my husband’s work and military uniforms for passing on. It has not been easy to come to this point for either of us, but work will not be something he is able to return to. And for anyone who has had a career identity that was a lifestyle, you know how hard it is to make the change. For someone who has a brain injury it is even tougher, as part of your mind still feels you can do the job, even as you know you can’t. Trying to adjust to this new life we have has been a varying challenge, but there you have it- life does that and the options are, stay locked in place or continue to move forward in a new direction. Accepting uncertainty, and going off script has never been easy for me, so this is a whole new terrain to navigate and one we both often resent having to navigate. It has brought restrictions to both our lives that we didn’t expect. It has also brought time to spend together that was missing when duty called. Light-dark. up-down, yin-yang all part of our new season.