Remain calm

Buddha

It has been a busy week of showings, turning lights on and off, swapping in the “good towels” and keeping things looking spic and span. Wednesday evening’s showing was the one that made me the most anxious, maybe because of the full moon, or maybe because I had to delegate the prep because I was at work. It all went fine in spite of my emotions, as things usually do. What is a bother is not being able to have what I need at my elbow because it is packed away or in the car. But I get it, that is part of the whole process of selling and moving on, things can’t change if they remain the same. Though it is good to know we don’t have the pressure of a job starting somewhere else or a house already bought added to the mix. It is a new experience for me to be in this odd in between, and yet not yet, space. And it requires me to find a new source of calmness.

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Tidiness

Our house will probably never be this tidy again. It also won’t be our house for much longer. Anyone who has sold a house knows it isn’t easy to keep it looking this nice while living in it. But that is part of the process of selling and separating. The memories will go with us. I feel a variety of conflicting emotions during this first weekend on the market. As much as a quick contract would be nice, it presents problems as so little is on the market to consider. All shall be well, that is what I am going with.

As I go

Sorting, packing and jettisoning years of stuff has been both energizing and exhausting. I have found items that I have no idea where they came from, possibly they slunk in unbeknownst to me and decided to stay. I have found things I had forgotten about that I do wish to keep, letters and such. And I have sent many things on their way to new homes, with only the absolute junk off to the dump. I am also getting tire of the whole process and the diy that has gone with it.

Turning

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Having spent the weekend spackling, mitering, nailing, and touching up items big and small, I can cross many tasks off my list. The tasks keep my mind occupied, and as a result, not fretting about selling and moving. We been in the same place for 26 years, the longest stretch for either of us. And while there is a current of excitement about moving to a different house, there are all the emotions that go with leaving the one we are in. It would be even harder were it to be a move that required new doctors, new state licenses and all new friends. We are staying close, it will make for an easier transition for Joe as he will be familiar with the city having worked there for so many years. It will be an adventure of a different sort than maybe we had planned a few years back, but still an adventure. Life is what you make it, with all the twists and turns.

Endings

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October is over, November has begun. The clocks will be set back this weekend bringing in closer, darker nights. Fireplace weather, woodstove days, bonfire nights- all to keep the dark and cold at bay. I am leaning into this season, likely our last in this house, to not only enjoy the days, but also to winnow what I want to carry forth from here. It is a time to travel light and leave behind that which no longer is needed.

Slipping

leaf on rock

This week I took on the sad task of dismantling my studio space and moving it from the dining room back into the basement, where it first started about 12 years ago. I still have the show to finish pieces for, but fear that the basement will see me even less than the dining room space did. It feels like another step backward: from “real” studio, to dining room back to basement. And though I know where art is made is not as important as the making, it is hard to feel inspired in a basement. But, we are going to have new flooring put in as we prepare to sell, and it was a good time to start getting ready. Next April will be here so quickly, and why move things out, back and then to the cellar only to have to pack it up another time. The fact that the dining room will look like one, is nice and necessary, but not likely to inspire me to create. I’ll see how it goes.