As this month draws to a close and we enter the final month of the year, I am taking stock of the last 11 months and what they held. The highs and lows. I have a couple assignments to wrap up in December, and some early 2019 bookings, so will have to make the best of the pause in between to sketch out some plans and timelines. It feels as if I just did this for 2018, the year went by so quickly. I am thinking a bonfire will be a good way to celebrate the quiet time just before Christmas, to clear out all the accumulated papers and brush we cut back in the summer. It will be a fitting end to the year and a good way to start fresh for 2019.
The water has been so high since spring, yet this rock seems untroubled. Water rises, water recedes regardless of any plans we make. What we need to do is try to remain aware of the many changes that occur which are beyond our control and to allow what we can to pass around us with the currents.
Last week it was that time again, CPR/AED training. A day that I find leaves me a bit off kilter. It is one thing to train, another to put in use, and an entirely different thing to to come to terms with the ifs, and “should I have”, or “did I” feelings that arise later. All that can be done is to persevere I guess, once done actions can’t be redone or undone. We do what we can based on the knowledge we possess, hope for the best outcome and realign our life from there.
As Joe and I plan to downsize I am finding it hard to be patient and let things unfold naturally. It feels too passive, too “hoping for someone else to make things fall in place”. So many moving pieces that are moving in their own orbit, not in a manner of my design. All we can do is be open, or wait for the proper key to appear.
Joe and I have been making an effort to get out and see new places and things in spite of the hot weather. It gives us new topics to discuss, new memories and helps Joe feel good about what he can do. It gives us an opening, not unlike the one in this fence line, that leads us to new places we can explore together. Over the many years of Joe’s career we had to pass on such activities as work often intervened. Now we can pick and choose where and when we want to go places, and only have my schedule to work around. In spite of how we got to this place, I am glad we are both here.
The year is passed the halfway mark, which I find hard to believe. I have not made the creative progress I had hoped to make in the first 6 months, which bugs me even though I know it is just how things have unfolded. I have directed my energies elsewhere as needed, life requires that from us sometimes. Some days I have a jaunty spring in my stride, and on others it is a plodding pace. There is much to do, and too much being put off that keeps being put on the “someday” list where I fear they will languish. I guess as long as I try to get to the list that is what counts, one item at a time as I can.