Last week it was that time again, CPR/AED training. A day that I find leaves me a bit off kilter. It is one thing to train, another to put in use, and an entirely different thing to to come to terms with the ifs, and “should I have”, or “did I” feelings that arise later. All that can be done is to persevere I guess, once done actions can’t be redone or undone. We do what we can based on the knowledge we possess, hope for the best outcome and realign our life from there.
As Joe and I plan to downsize I am finding it hard to be patient and let things unfold naturally. It feels too passive, too “hoping for someone else to make things fall in place”. So many moving pieces that are moving in their own orbit, not in a manner of my design. All we can do is be open, or wait for the proper key to appear.
Joe and I have been making an effort to get out and see new places and things in spite of the hot weather. It gives us new topics to discuss, new memories and helps Joe feel good about what he can do. It gives us an opening, not unlike the one in this fence line, that leads us to new places we can explore together. Over the many years of Joe’s career we had to pass on such activities as work often intervened. Now we can pick and choose where and when we want to go places, and only have my schedule to work around. In spite of how we got to this place, I am glad we are both here.
The year is passed the halfway mark, which I find hard to believe. I have not made the creative progress I had hoped to make in the first 6 months, which bugs me even though I know it is just how things have unfolded. I have directed my energies elsewhere as needed, life requires that from us sometimes. Some days I have a jaunty spring in my stride, and on others it is a plodding pace. There is much to do, and too much being put off that keeps being put on the “someday” list where I fear they will languish. I guess as long as I try to get to the list that is what counts, one item at a time as I can.
The solstice has passed, but the days are long under the sun. It is the time of year for vacations to the shore, or camping by a lake. Or not. For many it is a time to make hay while the sun shines, a season of hard work. Every life has its own pace of work and rest, and it can be hard to work while others appear to have so much leisure time. Given the recent reports showing that no where in the country does minimum wage allow for good housing, that leisure time is terribly rare and precious. There is no day of rest anymore, and many places are round the clock businesses. Selling, not making seems to be the way of the world now. Which only adds to the problem, and it makes me wonder.
Spring is starting to slip away. The blooms are changing, the days are hotter and longer, and the black flies are numerous. I am looking towards summer, a fleeting season if the weather is as poor as our spring was. I want to get out on adventures, see things, poke around in places new and old. Time works against me so many days, I am finding my time consumed with tasks that deliver no creative outlet, many of which are repetitive to boot seeming to need doing again as soon as completed. I want the long summer days of childhood, the ones that allowed time to read, climb trees, eat popsicles and ended with lightning bugs dancing at the edge of the lawn before falling to sleep to the distant rumble of thunder.