I know summer must be coming even though spring never arrived. And thus, I am gearing up to do “things”: field trips, hikes, website updates, workshops, visits with friends and more. The season is fleeting even when it doesn’t start slowly, and I cannot afford to waste a moment. Old gears can be coaxed back into action, it is just a matter of effort and getting the rust off.
Joe and I went to Calgary and then on to the Banff area. It was a very different time, we were young for one thing, had 2 very small children and the future unfurled before us uncluttered by any debris of life’s upsets. Now and close to home, it is also very different. Both children grown, we are older and a TBI has shifted the course we thought we were on. Life does that to everyone in some form or another, at one age or another. It is inevitable, yet so far the sun has continued to rise, the rivers continue to flow and trees grow and fall. Each day an adventure in a whole new way.
when the sheer joy of being alive and out in the world is more than enough.
Our trip to NY allowed for some back road driving and empty house finding. Always a favorite past time of mine. This is the front room view into the parlor of the house in the previous post. The curtains in the far front room obscured a clear view from that end, which is disappointing as it looks as if there was much to see. The debris of life, jettisoned as life moved on. Things once important to the fabric of home, now cast aside and cloaked in dust. What magazines once resided in the rack? What stories were told around the now sealed hearth? It is even hard to tell how long the place has sat empty.
Winter is over in this house, the skates lie on the floor unlikely to see another season’s use. The house likely seems to seem headed to a final season, empty and decaying, no sign of saving in sight. Books are stacked by the old chair in the parlor, mason jars sit unused and a pair of old shoes reside unused in a box. Who were the occupants that these remnants remained behind when they left? What lives were lived within these walls that now are silent? What we leave behind, what we leave behind. My desire to wander these rooms was strong, but so was my sense of caution. Though the house was unoccupied, the ones around it were not, and you never know who is keeping an eye on things.
I seem to be fighting the universe most days. I have so many directions I want to make progress in. And progress on all fronts is sporadic at best.
- streamlining my life, I have been working on this for a couple of years and have kicked it up a notch. Clearing, sorting, selling and removing items large and small that do little but take up space both real and mental. The paperwork piles are the worst: old forms, medical paperwork, letters, work paper etc.
- Joe’s recovery, which is top priority and yet leaves me wondering which things to really focus on. It is like choosing between the schoolwork or outdoor time. Which will prove the most beneficial in the long and short term.
- art and creativity, squeezing it in here and there doesn’t bring the results I would like. Goal setting at the start of each month ends up being too high for what the month bring. Which ends up leaving me feeling cranky for what I didn’t achieve instead of glad of what I did.
I need to accept what is achievable, let the time flow as it will and welcome the new pace of life as best I can. It has held many sweet surprises which I need to remember when I get a case of the crankies.