The year is passed the halfway mark, which I find hard to believe. I have not made the creative progress I had hoped to make in the first 6 months, which bugs me even though I know it is just how things have unfolded. I have directed my energies elsewhere as needed, life requires that from us sometimes. Some days I have a jaunty spring in my stride, and on others it is a plodding pace. There is much to do, and too much being put off that keeps being put on the “someday” list where I fear they will languish. I guess as long as I try to get to the list that is what counts, one item at a time as I can.
Up, then down, then over, then up, then down again. That was my weekend as I painted, patched, sorted, dusted and so on. House DIY has taken over all my free time, and I still have more to do it seems. I know that isn’t actually true as tasks finished are finished barring some disaster. It just feels that way. If I try to sit and relax I feel antsy because I know there are things that need doing. I need the house fairy godmother to come, wave her wand and poof have it all “done”. After awhile the satisfaction of doing it yourself wears off in the repetition of doing it yourself.
First of all let me say, this isn’t my house. But sometimes I feel as if my house looks like this. We have been in a state of varying turmoil it seems like forever, but isn’t really. We have sorted, sold, donated, disposed and packed. We have painted, paid someone to paint high places, seal coated the driveway, had wood floors put in, a tile back splash, seal, and general repairs that aren’t in my skill set. Yet it still feels as if the list continues to stay the same length or grow. All in preparation to putting the house on the market and get a place that will be easier for me to maintain. It is a daunting proposition as anyone who has moved after being in one place a long time knows. It is also a real time eater, I have time, or energy, to do anything creative or website related. If I have free time I feel as if I should be doing something house DIY related, or just want to sit still and do nothing for a bit. Though I would really like to get out with my camera or pull out art supplies, I guess this too shall pass, I just need to be patient.
Spring is starting to slip away. The blooms are changing, the days are hotter and longer, and the black flies are numerous. I am looking towards summer, a fleeting season if the weather is as poor as our spring was. I want to get out on adventures, see things, poke around in places new and old. Time works against me so many days, I am finding my time consumed with tasks that deliver no creative outlet, many of which are repetitive to boot seeming to need doing again as soon as completed. I want the long summer days of childhood, the ones that allowed time to read, climb trees, eat popsicles and ended with lightning bugs dancing at the edge of the lawn before falling to sleep to the distant rumble of thunder.
It feels as if time is going by like the mill fall in this image, and yet I am moving at the pace of these flowers. I can’t even say it feels as if I am gaining on it right now. Spring has been such an on and off affair this year, with so little time doing any outdoor activities beyond yard work. I am hopeful for progress though.
I could have stood here at this spot for much longer, I needed a little time where nothing was needed from me or to be done my me. To have some time to just enjoy being creative. My days, while not packed, feel frenetic and fractured. For each task completed or started, another rises up or it splits into many unexpected steps. So, the chance to stand still and soak in the silence, while fleeting, was a tonic.