Last week it was that time again, CPR/AED training. A day that I find leaves me a bit off kilter. It is one thing to train, another to put in use, and an entirely different thing to to come to terms with the ifs, and “should I have”, or “did I” feelings that arise later. All that can be done is to persevere I guess, once done actions can’t be redone or undone. We do what we can based on the knowledge we possess, hope for the best outcome and realign our life from there.
The month of July, having sped by, is nearly at its end. Mentally I have been stuck weeks back somewhere in mid June. As a result my progress has suffered on all fronts but the relaxation one. I think it is because the realtor came last month, took a look and gave us a short list of things to do. Not hearing to-do items I had expected, and having the list shorter than expected, had the effect of halting my mad rush of house activity. And yet, also halting my progress creatively. An odd side effect, as the time for it was freed up. I have been getting out on field trips and hikes, which had fallen by the wayside all spring. I guess I just needed July to pass me by in this manner, to give me a chance to recoup before I return to the task lists I now need tackling. To pause and enjoy the view as I look into August.
I find it more likely that I will be out in a park than on the city sidewalks these days. It makes for a quieter setting for Joe, and there are places he can take a seat while I wander a bit to take a look at this and that, while staying in eyesight. It is a new way to do things, I do miss trekking along the storefronts, neighborhoods and alleyways. I try to catch my urban shots as I can on the fly, it is harder as I once got up before everyone else and got out, after all they could all get themselves up or sleep in as they wished. The city it best walked in the early hours, especially on Sundays when few people are out and about. For now I will get out as I can in either nature or urban settings and make the most of it.
A few weeks back I wrote about a job opening I was looking into. One that would be a big life shift. I applied and waited, and waited, and did calculations, and mulled and waited some more. I considered the work-life balance of the current job vs the potential of having benefits at the other. I mocked up a variety of pay scenarios, and time spent at work vs where I am at. Days passed, then a week, then another. A co worker had a family member die unexpectedly and went on bereavement leave, the boss was deep in contentious budget negotiations and it was a Saturday afternoon when I got the call for an interview. The following Tuesday between 1 and 3. I had pretty much figured the job was to be filled by a long term sub to finish the year, and had mentally moved on. And when I got the time frame, I verbally did. I explained that I would be at work covering shifts as we were understaffed at the moment, that I was sure they had good applicants and thank you for the phone call. There was some dead air on the other end of the line, then a “give us a call if you take the time off and can come in.” Monday being a holiday I was unsure how that would be possible. Plus it gave me pause, what sort of person would I be to call in knowing people were counting on me to show up for a day of work. What sort of employee would they be looking for if that was how I made it to the interview? It made me uncomfortable though.
Did I make the right choice in passing on this opportunity? Impossible to really know. I do know a M-F job would have meant finding companionship for Joe, as leaving him home 5 full days a week would be most unkind and make for a very lonely stretch for him. I now only have 2 full days and can spend the bulk of the others getting him out and about doing stuff, going places and socializing. He gets out to lunch with friends and to karate and the gym. So I traded maybe $400 or so a month in extra income for free time to use as I want. It feels like the right choice for how our lives are, and that is what the decision was ultimately about.
Just because a door opens doesn’t mean it is the one you should go through.
It might just be providing a glimpse of something to help you clarify your intentions and course of action.
I am itching to get out in the urban environment and walk to my heart’s content. To see the lines, shadows, textures and vibe that setting provides. Yet, Fall is so fleeting I don’t want to miss the colors in the woods. Such a dilemma to have!