The last of the evening light is fading, it is nearly 7:30, sunset. The color has slipped from the sky, yet I linger on the deck, loathe to call it a day. The late summer night sounds are starting their prelude to fall, which is whispering through the leaves.
The days of August are down to just 5. I still have much to do, but can see items already going over the waterfall and into September. I just find that it is hard to set aside the time for tasks I know could take hours. Not that leaving them undone shortens the time they will take. These are the tasks that require time on the phone getting tech help, just exhausting to contemplate. Meanwhile the tasks that can be broken into bits I am making progress on, albeit slowly. Monday I will set aside the possibly hours I need to spend on the phone. I just have to suck it up and do it. Gird my loins, so to speak. The waning days of August make it a must.
A couple weekends ago while in Provincetown for a wedding we strolled by this house. It is an old firehouse and the porch is behind the original door to the fire truck bay. Anyhow, I could pass many a pleasant hour on this porch. It soothes me just to look at the photo. I also would be unlikely to accomplish very much, but what a spot to be lazy in!!
Last year on August 9th I revisited the place of my wedding reception. Twenty six years had passed, and the entire place has fallen into a state of decay and is abandoned. It was a very sad sight to see, and left me feeling more than a bit uncomfortable, that pit of your stomach fluttery feel. 4 days later, just 6 days from our anniversary, I sat in an ICU room beside my husband and all the machines. Now I am not saying that visiting the old Woodlawn Club gave me a premonition or anything, that is just a weird conincidence. Hindsight gives us the ability to look back and see things clearer, so I can’t say that on August 13th everything was fine, but I can say that by the end of that day very little was fine. And for many days and weeks after that it was difficult to know if fine was achievable. The whole fall went by both quickly and slowly as amazingly progress was occuring. Now we are approaching that year mark, the point at which we can move from the “a year ago life was fine” stage into the next one. 364 of 365 is upon us. We will step beyond the initial year mark and then beyond the ones of seeing Joe learn how to walk again, talk, feed himself, and all the other tasks we mainly do without thinking. We will pass the year mark of coming home, of bypass surgery, the loss of a lifelong career due to being unable to return to work. There is much to celebrate at the end of each day as his brain continues to recover, rewire, recall and relearn. It can be a painstaking process at times that feels endless, yet it is amazing in what the brain can do. Only 1 other family we met in the Brigham’s ICU , where Joe was transferred to, had a family member leave to go to a rehab facility. So we feel very lucky. Fine is achievable, fine also has to be elastic.
Over the past year 4 people I know have put their houses on the market. 2 have now moved, 1 is due to next month and the final one just listed their house a month ago. The first two were casual friends, yet I do miss the one wo moved first more than I thought I would. The one who is moving next month is a dear friend of 20 years. We would get together once a month for breakfast and did our “project of the month” declarations which we held each other accountable for. She is moving far away, many states away. And though we will be able to email, breakfasts will be off the list. Lastly, the 2nd neighbor who is planning to move will leave just 2 houses on the street that have had the same owners for decades. All is change, I know that, and each of them are moving on to something new as we will in a few years. It just has made me more pensive I guess. Possibly it is the acknowledgement that no longer do the houses have classmates of my children in them, the end of an era. None of us are young parents or future parents, that is part of the past now. I am just caught in a state of pending.
It feels as if I am not gaining on things. Yet I know I am. I am so far behind in blog writing and reading those I follow that I don’t think I will catch up. So I have to start from here, August 2nd and try to get back into the swing of things. The website design is going onto 2nd draft, all my call for entries in for this month and a couple of pieces on the way from the lab. It is just the readings and writing that has gotten short shrift. Hopefully this month it will start to click back into smoother running!